Your Anxiety Is Not the Enemy. It Is a Messenger.

Anxiety is something so many of us live with quietly. It doesn’t always look like panic attacks or dramatic overwhelm. Often, it shows up in the small moments. The fast heart. The tightening in the chest. The racing thoughts that move quicker than you can keep up with. And sometimes, it does the opposite. It makes everything go quiet. You go blank. You shut down. You go numb and disconnected.

Anxiety is not the enemy. It is a messenger. It is your body asking for your attention in the only way it knows how. For many people who have lived through emotional overwhelm, unpredictability or any form of childhood trauma, the nervous system learned very early that it needed to stay alert. It learned that being relaxed was unsafe. So anxiety became the lookout. The guard at the gate. The one who is always scanning and preparing just in case something goes wrong.

Your mind learned to think ahead. To anticipate. To notice shifts in tone. To read a room before your feet even stepped inside. And none of that was because you were weak or dramatic. It was intelligent survival. It was your younger self doing the best they could with the environment they were placed in.

When we grow up in environments where we could not rely on the adults around us to soothe our distress, we learn to soothe ourselves in whatever way we can. Sometimes through overthinking. Sometimes through shutting down. Sometimes through being overly helpful and making sure everyone else is okay to prevent conflict. Anxiety became the system working very hard to keep us safe.

So when anxiety rises now, your body is not malfunctioning. It is remembering. It is saying, “Something here reminds me of the past. I need your help.” And what it needs most is presence, not pressure. The first step is not to try to calm down. The first step is simply to notice. To say quietly to yourself, “I hear you. I am here. You are safe with me.”

Even if you cannot make the anxiety disappear, the act of acknowledging it creates a shift. You are no longer fused with the anxiety. You become the one who is witnessing it. Holding it. Responding to it rather than being swept away by it. This is the foundation of nervous system safety. Not forcing yourself to be okay but making space for what is already here.

There is a part of the brain called the amygdala. It stores emotional memory. When something in the present moment reminds you, even subtly, of something overwhelming from the past, the amygdala sounds the alarm before your thinking mind has time to understand what is happening. This is why anxiety often feels sudden, irrational or confusing. The body remembers faster than the mind. So we work from the body first.

You can try this gently.

Place your feet on the ground.

Put one hand on your chest.

Slow your breathing just a little.

Look around and name three objects by their colour.

This tells your nervous system, “This moment is not the past. I am here now. I am safe.”

When the thoughts begin to spiral, instead of trying to stop them, meet them gently. The thoughts are not the cause of the anxiety. They are responding to it. They are trying to prepare you for every possible danger because once upon a time, that was necessary. So speak to that part of you the way you would speak to a frightened child. “I understand why you are reacting this way. I see you. I am not leaving.”

For some people, anxiety does not feel like intensity. It feels like nothing. A flatness. A fog. A sense of being far away from yourself. This is the freeze response. When the nervous system feels that it cannot fight or escape, it disconnects to survive. This can look like scrolling endlessly. Zoning out. Feeling distant in relationships. Watching life rather than being in it. And this too was a form of protection. If emotional expression was unsafe or ignored, numbness became the safest option. It was not failure. It was wisdom.

The good news is that all of this can change. Not quickly. Not through force. But through relationship. Through learning to meet yourself gently. Through building safety inside your own body.

The work is not to eliminate anxiety. It is to understand it. To respond to it in a way that feels supportive. To build a foundation of inner safety. To slowly create new patterns where your system no longer feels alone.

If any part of you is tired of fighting anxiety, if you are ready to understand it rather than battle it, and if you long for a way of being in your body that feels safe and steady, you do not have to do this alone.

Your healing does not need to be rushed. It only needs to be met with kindness.